Fowl Days
by MajorButler
Summary: Artemis is an elf in Haven how will his life turn out?I suck CRAP at summaries... :
1. Chapter 2

Disclaimer:

Me:Knock knock.

You all:who`s there?

Me:fanfic.

You all: fanfic who?

Me:My first fanfic,yay!:]

Chapter 1:

OH MY GODS...

Artemis Fowl woke up in the clinic after a ritual gone wrong with holly Short.

"Where am I?" Hollys` face brightened at the sight of this.

"Arty!you`re okay!"She hugged him squishing the air out of his lungs.

-"Yes, but where am I?" Foaly walked in the room with a tin-foil hat on his hairy head.

"Artemis you`re awake!"Artemis was annoyed.

-"Why hasn`t anyone answered my question yet?"

Foaly replied with the one thing Artemis hoped he wouldn`t say:

"Artemis I don`t think you should worry about that now,what you should worry about is this..." Foaly handed Artemis A highly illuminated mirror what Artemis Fowl saw made him scream Not like a man ,or a woman,or a little boy OR even a little girl but like a baby ,It wentalong the lines of AAAIIIEEE!"

As usual, Holly answered :

"Arty what`s wrong?"

Pulling his face horrified by the sight yelling Artemis said this:

"OKAY? OKAY?NOTHING IS OKAY!" He said this while motioning to his now pointed ears. "I`M AN ELF!" Thrown by his appearance he whispered

"How could this happen?"

"Well..."Foaly wandered off talking about the physics of how Hollys` -or more precicely- Artemis` relatively new eye from Hollys` body replicated DNA from itself into Artemis` system, but Artemis wasn`t , annoyed by this, practically yelled "SHUT UP FOALY!Can`t you see Artys` having a crisis?" Artemis looked at himself in the mirror.

"I can`t believe this."He ran his slim almost skinny fingers through his new auburn hair, and touched his nut-brown skin "I`m an elf."

Foaly off in the background said "I can`t believe you called him Arty!"he fell off his own hooves roaring in laughter while Holly blushed

"I was worried!" She pouted,bottom lip sticking out like a childs`

"yeah and now you`re going to to walk him to your house kiss him goodnight and buy him a toy neutrino3000!" Foaly started laughing so hard he brayed like a donkey. When he heard Foaly laughing and saying artemis` mothers` pet name for him, Butler walked in still thinking about looking at Artemis ready to go home like he was when they were going to Fowl manor before he had been shocked by Hollys` magic during the ritual but with the luck he had Artemis was probably dead by now but Butler almost had a heartattack when he saw his young charge. "Artemis is that you?"

He asked tears in his eyes. "Yes Butler."

Thrown aback by his suspicious look Butler aked, "If you really are Artemis Fowl then since when have I known him?"

"Since I was born."

"Common knowledge. Know to see if you REALLY are Artemis,what is my name?"

Holly and Foaly didn`t know the giant manservants name yet,so they were a little surprised to hear this.

Artemis replied, "Domovoi Butler."

yay! Chapter one hope you liked it :]

Disclaimer :

I`ve decided for your sake not to make these anymore so this will be the last one:[.

Chapter 2:

Artys` first job

Artemis told Butler what had happened, when he was finished he Butler was truly was the closest thing he had to a friend and according to the council he could not get a surface visa until he got a job or rented a home for at least three months . "Oh god..."said Butler "How am I going to explain this to Artemis senior and ?"

"Not to worry my giant friend," said Foaly, "I have taken care of that.I have sent Angeline Fowl an e-mail

about it And an Underground visa,which even for me was hard."

Butler looked utterly crushed like he was under a bull troll that was several tons overweight. "Do not worry old friend I`m sure the LEP has a job for me,right?" "sorry Arty." Holly said sincerely "The LEP doesn`t have a job opening until the 19th.."

The bodyguard looked surprised "But I thought you needed officers since the atlantis you-know-what"

Holly knew excactly what he was talking about,during the time artemis had the complex an entire three squads of

LEPretrieval died trying to stop the sattelite from crashing into Atlantis,one of being the reinstated Wing Commander Vinyaya.

The elves at the LEP headquarters in police plaza were still mourning what happened only weeks ago.

Artemis found this interestingthen thought about it,feeling immediately sad, Artemis began crying.

"Whats wrong Arty?" asked Holly from her seat across the room. "It`s just..."[sniff,sniff] "I FEEL LIKE IT`S MY FAULT!",

_'sobbing coming from Artemis fowl?'_now she knew she should be worried now, "But Arty it wasn`t your fault."Artemis

now drying his eyes said "I know but it`s..[sniff]..it`s this elven blood!It`s making me the most emotional person/fairy underground!" then after spending the last thirty minutes in awkward silence Foaly broke the silence with a comment Artemis hated even more than Saint Bart`s,"Artemis,the test results are in,you do not have a single trace of human DNA so,we can`t turn you back into a human,so...yeah"

already having been shocked by his appearance Artemis passed out.

Disclaimer:

Me:But come oooonnnnnn!

Holly and Artemis:NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!

Me:You have to kiss someday!

Holly and Artemis:FOR THE LAST TIME NOOOOOO!

Me:YOU KNOW WHAT I`M GOING TO MAKE YOU KISS IN THIS CHAPTER WETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT [evil smirk] MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Holly and Artemis:NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Chapter 3

The torture begins

After a half hour Atemis woke up in his hospital bed in the clinic in Haven 30 miles underground, after a talk with Jerbal Argon they let Artemis out from the clinic "I can`t wait to show you the apartment I got you!" Holly said giddily "You picked out an apartment for me?"

"Yes!" this time she said in english.

"Why?" artemis asked but alreasy knew the answer.

"Because you would look for the closest thing in Haven to Fowl Manor,which cost THOUSANDS OF oz`S OF GOLD A WEEK!"

"The closest I could get you to a normal not broken-down swear-toad holes was the apartment down the hall from mine."

"don`t tell me,"Artemis said while Holly jabbered off and after wards they both said "Because I want to make sure you`re safe."

"Wow am I THAT predictable?" Holly asked.

"After a while Holly and no offence but,you get easily predictable besides Why so close to your apartment?A probable question to go out with me?"

Holly blushed to a shade of red it would have made the now dead Julius Root seem pale.

"No I just want to ,ake sure you do okay in Haven."

"Well then looks like what I`ll say right now won`t matter then"Hollylooked excited by this statement.

"Holly I love you,"Holly squeeled with joy "I KNEW IT,I KNEW IT,I KNEW IT!"She jumped about three feet in the air from sheer joy.

"But,"said Artemis "Yes,but?" copied Holly.

"I want to go on a date first."

Holly was not expecting this.

"Wait what?" and with that Artemis kissed her forehead being the thing closest to his mouth and said, "See you in front of the LEP building for your choice of restaurant and with that he went into his already furnished apartment and watched PPTVfor the rest of the evening waiting for tomorrow.

Sorry about the problems with the chapters so just skip to the chapter you`re supposed to be reading about so sorry.:[

So ...um...yeah...uuhh...just skip to the chapter you`re on please?


	2. Chapter 4

Dislclaimer:

Me:HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Artemis:You`re evil!

Me:yes almost as smart as you yourself but you lost your touch Fowl!MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I don't own Artemis Fowl unfortunately,CURSE YOU EOIN COLFER!

Chapter 4

problems...

"ring,ring,ring,ring,ring,ring,ring,ring banana phone!"

"groan"

"ring,ring,ring,ring,ring,ring,ring,ring,ring,ring,ring,ring banana phone!"

"stupid voice recorded alarm clock"

"ring,ring,rin..."

"SLAM!"

"good morning Artemis!"

"UGH."

Now came the recorded message Foaly left Artemis which projects onto a wall of the room and is impossible to ignore.

"how was your first night in haven?"

"I barely got any sleep."

"GOOD?GOOD?"

"ELECTRONIC VOICE ACTIVATION,USER COMMAND 'SHUT UP'?"

"user command accepted."

Artemis had to literally drag himself out of bed just to put on his shoes,as he went to the kitchen he heard someone knock on the door,he walked toward the living room to the front door, only to smell something like a rotten skunk dipped in sewage.

"Hello?"

it was none other than mulch diggums

"Hello mulch"

"Artemis?"

"yes"

"Open the door!"

"fine"

Mulch was actually looking clean-ish today and the smell came from his feet

Mulch was the one that looked awestruck though

"stranger!"

"Mulch it`s me!"

"no!Artemis fowl is a mud boy!"

"Not anymore!"

Artemis told Mulch what happened

"oh,well that seems normal after all you are artemis fowl."

"Artemis saw the time on his annoying alarm clock that goes off screaming the banana phone song to see it was 12:53

"Mulch I`ve gotta go soon"

Artemis said this as he pushed both himself and Mulch out of the apartment

_Holly's going to kill me!_

**yay!I fixed the problem of the chapters being put all in one page!  
**


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